“Make Every Word Count”
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I created the following exercises to complement the 14 techniques of concise writing that I present in my book, Keys to Great Writing. Page numbers refer to the relevant sections in Chapter 1, “Economy.”
The following techniques will help you eliminate wordiness in your writing. Each technique is accompanied by three sentences for you to revise.
•Edit for patterns of wordiness (p. 14)1. Delete redundant modifiers (p. 15)
a. In this modern
world of today, we must necessarily project ahead in planning
b. He referred back to the notes he had taken during the meeting.
c. We offer complimentary gift wrapping at no charge to our customers.
2. Delete redundant categories (p. 16)
a. The table is round in shape, smooth in texture, and heavy in weight.
b. The image is fuzzy in appearance.
c. Redundant categories
can leave your reader in a confused state of mind that
3. Replace redundant word pairs with single words (p. 16)
a. Various and sundry alternatives were debated.
b. I demand a full and complete explanation.
c. Each and every one of the jury members voted “not guilty.”
4. Replace wordy expressions with single words (p. 18)
a. In the event that you arrive late, use the side door.
b. Prior to coming to First Trust, Kimberly worked at Waconia Savings and Loan.
c. Due to the fact that
the report is more than 10 pages long, the council cannot
5. Delete “hollow” hedges and meaningless intensifiers (p. 21)
a. We are rather concerned about your tardiness.
b. This effectively limits our ability to respond quickly.
c. Your description is altogether fitting.
6. Delete needless repetition (p. 22)
a. Although I wrote the draft, my friend Madeline helped me revise the draft.
b.
I called to tell her I would be late for dinner. Nevertheless, she was
unhappy
c. I don’t like pickled
pig’s feet. I never have liked pickled pig’s feet. I never will
7. Delete that for brevity; retain that for clarity (p. 22)
a. I suggest that we pack our things, sell our snowshoes, and move to Hawaii.
b. She realized that,
without that five-minute delay, she would not have missed
c. She believed her boyfriend, who told her he was out with the boys, was lying.
•Know how to start; know when to stop (p. 23)8. Avoid protracted introductions (p. 23)
a. It is interesting to note that our client base is growing steadily.
b. For all intents and purposes, we are losing money.
c. As a matter of fact,
I’m concerned about the precipitous decline in visits to
9. Use It, There, and What constructions carefully (p. 25)
a. There are four employees who have filed grievances.
b. It is my recommendation that you purchase a faster modem.
c. What we need to do next is simplify our sign-off procedure.
10. Trim sentence endings for closing emphasis (p. 29)
a. Does it stink like rotten meat would smell to you?
b. We need to eliminate the production delays we are experiencing.
c. Every employee should respond to complaints that our customers express.
•Take the most direct route (p. 31)11. Prefer action verbs to nominalizations (p. 31)
a. My suggestion is that we make an alteration in the length of the cloak.
b. If you make an
attempt to steal the sorcerer’s stone, I will stand in opposition
c. Coordinate the interface of eggs and vanilla.
12. Avoid indirect negatives (p. 32)
a. I haven’t ever heard of that rule.
b. I didn’t have any idea we were losing money.
c. The change in temperature was not significant.
13. Avoid needless attribution (p. 33)
a. According to the old saying, an empty sack cannot stand upright.
b. As everyone knows, the bigger you are, the harder you fall.
c. It has been determined that wordiness obscures clarity.
14. Limit personal commentary (p. 33)
a. The main thing I want to say is that haste makes waste.
b. To tell you the truth, I doubt that owls would be reliable messengers.
c. A temporary dip in
the stock market, it seems to me, does not mean we are
•Edit for patterns of wordiness (p. 14)
1. Delete redundant modifiers (p. 15)
a. In this
modern world of today, we must necessarily project ahead in
planning a. In today’s world, we must plan for the future.
b. He referred back to the notes he had taken during the meeting. b. He referred to the notes he had taken during the meeting. Or He referred to his meeting notes.
c. We offer complimentary gift wrapping at no charge to our customers. c. We offer complimentary gift wrapping to our customers.
•Edit for patterns of wordiness (p. 14)
2. Delete redundant categories (p. 16)
a. The table is round in shape, smooth in texture, and heavy in weight. a. The table is round, smooth, and heavy.
b. The image is fuzzy in appearance. b. The image is fuzzy.
c. Redundant
categories can leave your reader in a confused state of mind that
c. Redundant categories can leave your reader extremely
confused and
3. Replace redundant word pairs with single words (p. 16)
a. Various and sundry alternatives were debated. a. Various alternatives were debated.
b. I demand a full and complete explanation. b. I demand a complete explanation.
c. Each and every one of the jury members voted “not guilty.” c. Each jury member voted “not guilty.” Or Every jury member voted “not guilty.” Or (for emphasis) Every one of the jury members voted “not guilty.”
4. Replace wordy expressions with single words (p. 18)
a. In the event that you arrive late, use the side door. a. If you arrive late, use the side door.
b. Prior to coming to First Trust, Kimberly worked at Waconia Savings and Loan. b. Before coming to First Trust, Kimberly worked at Waconia Savings and Loan.
c. Due to
the fact that the report is more than 10 pages long, the council cannot
c. Because the report is more than 10 pages long, the council feels
overwhelmed Or The council feels overwhelmed by the 10-page report.
5. Delete “hollow” hedges and meaningless intensifiers (p. 21)
a. We are rather concerned about your tardiness. a. We are concerned about your tardiness.
b. This effectively limits our ability to respond quickly. b. This limits our ability to respond quickly.
c. Your description is altogether fitting. c. Your description is fitting.
6. Delete needless repetition (p. 22)
a. Although I wrote the draft, my friend Madeline helped me revise the draft.
a. Although I wrote the draft, my friend Madeline helped me revise it.
b.
I called to tell her I would be late for dinner. Nevertheless, she was
unhappy
b.
I called to tell her I would be late for dinner. Nevertheless, she was
unhappy
c. I don’t
like pickled pig’s feet. I never have liked pickled pig’s feet. I
never will
c.
I don’t like
pickled pig’s feet. I never have liked pickled pig’s feet. I never will
7. Delete that for brevity; retain that for clarity (p. 22)
a. I suggest that we pack our things, sell our snowshoes, and move to Hawaii. a. I suggest we pack our things, sell our snowshoes, and move to Hawaii.
b. She
realized that, without that five-minute delay, she would not have missed
b. She realized that, without that five-minute delay, she
would not have missed
Note: In a sentence with
an aside, such as “without that five-minute delay,”
c. She believed her boyfriend, who told her he was out with the boys, was lying.
c. She believed that her boyfriend, who told her he was out
with the boys, was
Note:
Without "that," the sentence seems to be heading in one direction then
This one is just for fun:
d. The
challenge in offering a simple answer is that that that that that
question
d. The challenge in offering a simple answer is that that that
that that question
•Know how to start; know when to stop (p. 23)
8. Avoid protracted introductions (p. 23)
a. It is interesting to note that our client base is growing steadily. a. Our client base is growing steadily.
b. For all intents and purposes, we are losing money. b. We are losing money.
c.
As a matter of fact, I’m concerned about the precipitous decline in visits to c. I’m concerned about the precipitous decline in visits to our Web page.
9. Use It, There, and What constructions carefully (p. 25)
a. There are four employees who have filed grievances. a. There are four employees who have filed grievances.
b. It is my recommendation that you purchase a faster modem. b. I recommend you purchase a faster modem.
c. What we need to do next is simplify our sign-off procedure. c. Next we need to simplify our sign-off procedure.
Note: The
original version might be more appropriate for spoken communication,
10. Trim sentence endings for closing emphasis (p. 29)
a. Does it stink like rotten meat would smell to you? a. Does it stink like rotten meat?
b. We need to eliminate the production delays we are experiencing. b. We need to eliminate these production delays.
c. Every employee should respond to complaints that our customers express. c. Every employee should respond to customer complaints.
•Take the most direct route (p. 31)
11. Prefer action verbs to nominalizations (p. 31)
a. My suggestion is that we make an alteration in the length of the cloak. a. I suggest we alter the length of the cloak. Or (to be more precise) I suggest we shorten [or lengthen] the cloak.
b.
If you make an attempt to steal the sorcerer’s stone, I will stand in
opposition b. If you try to steal the sorcerer’s stone, I will oppose you.
c. Coordinate the interface of eggs and vanilla. c. Mix the eggs and vanilla.
12. Avoid indirect negatives (p. 32)
a. I haven’t ever heard of that rule. a. I’ve never heard of that rule. Or (for emphasis) Never have I heard of that rule.
b. I didn’t have any idea we were losing money. b. I had no idea we were losing money.
c. The change in temperature was not significant. c. The change in temperature was insignificant.
13. Avoid needless attribution (p. 33)
a. According to the old saying, an empty sack cannot stand upright. a. An empty sack cannot stand upright.
b. As everyone knows, the bigger you are, the harder you fall. b. The bigger you are, the harder you fall.
c. It has been determined that wordiness obscures clarity. c. Wordiness obscures clarity.
14. Limit personal commentary (p. 33)
a. The main thing I want to say is that haste makes waste. a. Haste makes waste.
b. To tell you the truth, I doubt that owls would be reliable messengers. b. I doubt that owls would be reliable messengers.
c.
A temporary dip in the stock market, it seems to me, does not mean we are
c. A temporary dip in the stock market does not mean we are
heading into a
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