Sure, most people can concoct something that will do in a pinch – some straightforward format that is easy to understand and fill out, some obvious arrangement that begins with clear, concise instructions, gathers all related information under explanatory captions, and presents all requests for data in a logical sequence.

But that’s not a form. A form is a thing of glory and splendor. A form is a work of art. Designing a true form, a bona fide form that will absorb and entertain the recipient for hours on end, requires years of training and practice. It’s not an endeavor to be undertaken lightly.

Here’s how the masters and mistresses of form design do it:

●Place the captions (such as Name) midway between the writing lines. This causes endless amusement for the recipient trying to figure out what information should appear on which line.

●Make accompanying instructions long, convoluted, and impossible to understand. The guiding principle here is obfuscation. To enhance the recipient’s sense of intrigue, be vague and ambiguous about which part of the form is being referred to. Explaining the parts of the form out of order also adds interest.

●Provide inadequate space for the data requested. This technique is fundamental for all true artists of form design. Its effect is to humble the recipient, who is made to feel childish and incompetent for writing off the line or outside the box.

(Those of us who live in Minneapolis [spelled with 11 letters] are particularly impressed by the clever form-designers who allow only ten boxes for the city’s name. As a result, many maddened Minneapolitans have taken to writing, "Mpls." Unfortunately, "Mpls" is often mistaken for the better known town of Maple Shade, New Jersey.)

●When designing forms with open-ended questions, don’t offer the recipient the option of responding on a separate sheet. Just because more people use word processors than typewriters these days doesn’t mean standards should be lowered. Forcing the recipient to fiddle with margins and spacing or to write longhand builds discipline and character.

●Devote a huge amount of space to a section marked "For official use only." The more space devoted to this section, the better. This reminds recipients of who’s in charge.

●Use a return envelope that is smaller than the card to be returned. This simple device will perplex recipients, who realize that the only way to return the card is to fold it but who have been conditioned by countless warnings not to fold, mangle, spindle, disfigure, mutilate, dismember, or otherwise violate the sanctity of the form.

●Make sure any folds in the form do not align with the micro-perforations. A form whose folds correspond to the micro-perforations is too easy for the recipient to handle when tearing. This will bore the recipient. A form whose folds are very near the micro-perforations, on the other hand, is more challenging because the tear will usually "wander" and become jagged. This will entertain the recipient.

A good form, of course, represents more than the effort of a single individual. A truly successful form requires decision-makers who are hopelessly out of touch with the informational needs of the organization, a core of bureaucrats dedicated to mindlessly gathering and recording the minutiae of modern existence, and volumes of confusing rules and regulations made even more complex by a host of contradictory state and federal guidelines.

Remember: A form is not just a piece of paper; it’s an experience. And designing forms is not just a job; it’s a way of life.